is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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