I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
