oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
