I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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