I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
