Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
