How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
