I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
home. puking in laundry basket.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
