I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize