so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
