I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
