She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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