And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
