The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
