I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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