My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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