So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
