you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
