we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
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You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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