I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
