What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
