Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
