Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
