how can u be prego again
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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