I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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