his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
