i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
