idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
