are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
