i love accidental penises.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
