i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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