I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize