I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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