Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
