I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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