I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
