I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
