your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
