I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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