i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize