3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
