i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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