I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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