sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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