Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
