My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
