You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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