oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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