that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
