You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
the raccoons are back...
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