yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
