is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
