Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
