I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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