I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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