I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
