i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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