I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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