I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
