if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
